All parents who have experienced staying at home to take care of their kids and personally manage the entire household can attest that it's a constant attempt to put order in chaos. It takes a lot of superhuman willpower to keep myself from going berserk. This personal blog is actually one of my 'Sanity Projects' to help me find perspective and at the same time, document Survival Techniques that might come handy for other parents finding themselves in a similar situation as mine --- transitioning from a high-power corporate career to becoming a full-time homemaker and mother of 3 wonderful kids, wife and business partner to my husband, and project manager of our home construction.
You won't believe how many times I've searched for systems and solutions other parents use for childcare, chores, cleaning, household management, and the list goes on. And many times, I've found myself improvising and developing a system that works for me. I guess it puts to good use my talent in organizing, creating systems, training, and capability development. Even with household chores! And that is what I call consistency in values. Overachieving in school, career, motherhood, and now in household chores. Haha. Geez.Here are my top learnings in keeping my sanity:
- MOMS RUN THE WORLD. SET GOALS. WRITE DOWN TO-DO LISTS. My children are not just my daughters or my son. They will become someone's future classmate, teammate, friend, colleague, boss, teacher, doctor, manager, president, world leader, wife, husband, daughter-in-law, son-in-law, mom, dad, and grandparent. How my children are raised matters, and this age of globalization, PARENTING is not something my husband and I will outsource. I realized this when I had my eldest daughter and continued to work for 3 more years. I was missing out on so many opportunities to raise her and shape her values. PARENTING is the ultimate career. With no leaves and days-off. And so, I set goals on what kind of Mom I aim to be. I write down what tasks I need to accomplish for the day for our home, our business, and the construction projects. It keeps me focused and productive. I notice that when I fail to do this, my day just drifts by and I end up feeling unaccomplished.
- DEVELOP A DAILY / WEEKLY / MONTHLY / SEMESTRAL HOUSEHOLD CHORE ROUTINE. A week into the job of being an Army of One to conquer all the chores needed to be done in our home (frequently stressing myself out in the morning), I decided to design a Household Chore Chart. I used to develop sales training modules that included Daily Routines in my corporate job. Why not apply it to my own household?! I typed it up into a checklist, laminated the sheet, attached magnet stickers at the back so it can be placed at the refrigerator. This has also been useful in aligning the housework to be done when I hire reinforcement. Examples of Daily Chores include heating the water, preparing meals, mopping floors. Weekly Chores include the laundry washing and ironing. Monthly Chores include cleaning the refrigerator, air conditioning filters. Changing and washing curtains is a Semestral Chore in our home. Take some to strategize and develop your household processes. It greatly reduces stress.
- INVOLVE YOUR CHILDREN WITH THE CHORES AND ASSIGN THEM ROLES. I've learned that my kids are resilient and adaptable. But I needed to involve them as part of my team, and not just order them around. Yes, I'm serious. The first time I went solo with childcare and household chores, they were aged 1.8, 4, and 6 years old. I explained to them that I need their help to be good kids and be responsible for the things they can do, like getting their own snacks and water. They learned to pack away their own toys. They took turns helping with the dishes. My husband instituted Do-It-Yourself Sunday wherein the kids need to help out at home and be responsible for accomplishing all their chores. I also designed a Baby Chore Chart to help them track what they needed to do. I added a Passport where they will write down the number of chores they've completed for the day and get their passport stamped (by me, of course). Upon achieving the monthly target, they receive a small reward at the end of the month.
- TAKE A BREAK. GET REINFORCEMENT. LEARN TO LET GO. I am an obsessive-compulsive organizer and I like being in control. Things get out of hand pretty quickly with 3 kids and a 2-storey house to keep tidy even if I do all chores with excellence. Whether it's just washing the dishes or the laundry. And it can get frustrating. Even if I really want to have all our meals to be home-cooked, there are days when I'm so tired and suffering from a newfound friend called migraine, that I succumb to food delivery. I really appreciate that my husband offers to do some of the chores when I'm knocked out. For chores I don't enjoy doing, like ironing, I have learned to just ask for referrals and hire reinforcement. When it comes to childcare, I call for reinforcement a.k.a. my parents! There are days where my goal is just to get my kids and myself fed and bathed. Circumstances like these are like therapy to my OCD. Not to say that there are days that I still get overwhelmed with the mess, and I just take deep breaths and try my best to let go. And do better tomorrow.
Whether you have one child or 10, being a full-time stay-at-home parent is a tough career which school did not prepare us for. But I have learned to appreciate these circumstances as opportunities for my kids to be more independent and responsible. It has also allowed me to know them better and bond with them. Though it sometimes doesn't show, I am grateful for sharing these experiences with my family and always strive to see the bigger picture, knowing that I do this for the people that matter most.
#DomesticGoddessMNL